What a week. It started with a visit to the ER for unexplained, severe abdominal pain, which remains unexplained. Follow that up with the sudden onset of a nasty cold, add some stressing over finding a job and a place to live, and you've got a recipe for a pretty trying week. I am weary. But I'm on the right path. Let me tell you how I know.
On Wednesday I attended my church small group that I'm a part of. I had to answer frequent inquires that no, I hadn't found a job, and yes, I still need a place to live. It's one of those things that the more times you repeat the disheartening answer, the worse it feels. By the time I was on my way home, I was thinking to myself, "I want to give up. Maybe I should just give up on all of this and go back to Nebraska." By "give up," I don't just mean giving up on the dream of doing music, but giving up on the life I've spent the last 18 months building for myself here. Throwing in the towel on all of it, turning tail, and running for my life. That's what I felt like.
When I got home, I did the only natural thing to do when you're upset like that: I called my mom. I told her that I was worried and confused and didn't know what was going on in my life. I was sick and tired and weary and beaten down. I still needed a job and a place to live and I didn't have any leads. I just didn't know what to do. Before I had a chance to tell her what I'd been thinking, she told me that she had been really praying for me. She said, "I don't know what to tell you, except that the answer I keep hearing is 'Don't give up.'" Wow. I was speechless. She didn't understand what it meant. So I told her. That's exactly what I needed to hear from God at that moment. Affirmation that even with all the confusion and fear and drama, I'm still supposed to be here. The next step isn't readily apparent, but it was so amazing to hear that God had provided the answer before I even asked the question.
Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. Not my dream job, but still a job. I will pay the bills and survive. He has made a way where there was none. I am awed and humbled by the faithfulness of my God.
