Good Life

It’s been a pretty incredible month, friends. I’m still astonished at the u-turn my life seems to have made. Mid-february I got a job underwriting for an insurance company, which is SO much better than what I was doing before. Not what I want to do forever, but as cubicle-land goes, pretty great. I get to wear what I want, my bosses are crazy (but fun crazy), and my hours are flexible. All in all, not a bad deal.

And then there’s the big news: I’m making a record. Yes, you read that right. Don’t get too excited, it’s just an indie release, it’s not with a label or anything. A few weeks ago I was talking at a party with a friend and her husband. He does the engineering/producing side of things, and he asked if he could hear some of my stuff. I agreed, with a very “ok, whatever…” kind of attitude. I had no expectations of it at all when I sent him a couple songs. So needless to say, I was astonished when he wrote me back and said “so when are we making the record?” I said now is good, still thinking he probably didn’t really mean it. But I was wrong. We set up a time to meet and were launched into pre-production before I even realized it was happening. Now we’re a couple songs in, trying to find some time to record bass and drums. All of the sudden there are multiple people interested in, and actually excited about my music. I can’t even explain how good it feels to see someone else excited over this thing that’s so much the heart of who I am.

Now that we’re a few sessions in, I’m starting to realize just how good I’ve got it. Little did I know in that first conversation, my engineer/producer is brilliant. I mean, seriously brilliant. And I have some amazingly talented friends who have agreed to lend their gifts to this project. I am so humbled by the way God has chosen to bless me in this whole thing. I already have more than I ever knew to ask for.

At our last session I recorded my first set of vocals for the album. If you know me, you know that I’ve always been super conscious of what people think, especially when it comes to my voice. I lacked confidence, and it definitely showed. So of course it happened that way of the first couple takes, and I was pretty frustrated with myself. And then something happened that has forever changed me. I have to warn you though, it’s cheesy. In my defense, it’s not like I thought of it. It just popped into my head. So no laughing.

We’re getting ready to start the third take, and I’ve got my eyes closed, trying to focus and get in the zone. From out of nowhere, I get this picture in my head: it’s Jesus, sitting in front of me in a metal folding chair. He’s wearing the biggest grin I’ve ever seen. He has unmatched excitement and anticipation in his face, saying “This is it! This is what I made you for! You’re doing it!!” It is impossible to describe the feeling of really seeing Him as my biggest fan. So I focused on that picture and started to sing. And everything was different. My voice opened and started making the sounds I’ve tried for years to make. The anxiety was gone, even knowing there were several crazy talented people in the next room listening to me. For the first time, I owned this. Even living here, it’s always felt like something abstract and far away, and I never really believed I would get to do it. But that all changed that day. I’m really doing this. And I’m made for it.

I warned you it was cheesy. But so unbelievably, life-changingly amazing. My voice is still responding like it never has before, and the nervousness is gone. I don’t have to be afraid; I don’t have to care what other people think. I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing this because I was made to, and I’ve gotten a tiny glimpse of the joy of my Father’s heart in fulfilling His purpose for me. I can’t say that I will always sound this way or be this confident; I probably won’t. there will be times when I doubt. And maybe this whole record will turn out to be nothing but a great experience. But somehow, someway, this is what I’m for. I will sing and make music, for the Lord is good.