Over It

What a week. I went to the Dove Awards for the first time this week. It was my first time at the Opry House, too, so it was pretty amazing. It’s probably a good thing I was way in the back, because I was kind of dorking out. I can’t watch people like Toby Mac and sit still. I’m sorry, it’s just impossible. I hadn’t even really planned on going until that morning I went online to look at ticket prices and realized I have my tax refund money, so I could afford it. On a (rather expensive) whim, I bought a ticket, left work early, and got myself prettied up.

It was a really emotional experience for me. It never, not even for a minute, felt like I was sitting in the room with a bunch of “celebrities” or “stars.” Didn’t even cross my mind. It felt like family. It felt like coming home. Like finally being in the right place. But still, somehow, just on the edge of things. Looking through the glass but not quite able to slip through and truly be a part of it. It was agonizingly wonderful. To be in a room with so many people I want to work with and learn from was really amazing.

For all you artists out there, have you ever had that feeling at a show, like the music is calling you? There’s just something about it that draws my heart into it and brings out a longing like none other I have. The longing to do the one thing I was made to do. I’m at such a unique place right now and I’m trying to savor it. I haven’t had time to become jaded or cynical yet, so I’m still very much enjoying every second I spend making music. At the same time, I feel desperately inadequate. Last night I worked on a project with some friends, including two really amazing artists that are both at a place where they don’t need a “day job,” so to speak. On the way home, I was praying about how inadequate I felt with these two friends, and then a phrase jumped into my brain.

Get over it.

Not in a gruff way, but in a gentle, loving way. I needed to get over myself, but not because of my abilities, but the lack thereof. It was like God said “this is what I made you to do, so forget comparing yourself with them. If you were not weak, the world would not see my strength and my great affection for you. It’s not a competition. It’s a love song.”

I’ve been mulling it over for a few days now, and I know it’s true. I have to own this. We are all broken, messed up sinners. Every one of us, no matter how many records we sell. We are all on even footing, even if it seems some are ahead. I have to be okay putting myself on the same playing field as these musicians I so admire, not for my own sake, but for the sake of God’s glory shining through me. It’s what I was made for, and for that reason alone I am on even footing with every other heart out there chasing a dream. It’s definitely an idea that will take some getting used to, but it’s the next hurdle to jump.