Don't Get Comfortable

i find myself wondering tonight if dreams really can come true. for as long as i can remember, i've loved to sing and write. somewhere around junior high i started writing my own songs. (lyrics mostly. i usually have a melody to go along, but i have a hard time finding just the right chord progression.) and until recently, i always thought it was just a dream. see, i come from a family of musicians who have never followed their dreams. they're all talented, my family, but none of them have ever chased the dream. am i the one to change that?

here's the thing: i really believe God is calling me to Nashville. from where i stand at the moment, i have no idea how that will happen. i can't afford to move, and i'm not sure how i ever will. it looks impossible. and yet, i can't let it go. i feel the pull now more than ever before. that's the world i was made for. don't get me wrong, it's not like i have these big expectations of "making it" when i get out there. i may not be spectacular, but i just might be decent. the past month or so i can't seem to stop writing. God wouldn't put this in me if He didn't intend to fulfill it, right? not like this, not this way, with everything that i am. nothing else speaks to me like writing music. it's where my passion is. beyond that, i have no idea what i should do. nothing gets me excited; i don't truly enjoy anything else the way i do when i write.

but what if I'm wrong? what if i've misread all the signs and this isn't what God intends for me at all? but even as i write that, it doesn't feel true. i can't convince the deepest parts of me that there's anything else out there for me like music. i can't get myself to settle. something ingrained in me says i have to chase this. and i've finally really committed to doing it. as soon as it's possible, i'm getting myself to Nashville for good. and yet....it seems hopeless. just as i truly come to terms with leaving everything i've ever known, i also see the reality that there might not be a way to be anywhere but here.

God wants us to live life abundantly. He wants us to overflow with who He made us to be. and more than anything, i know that i was made for music. but does it follow that He would make a way for me to get out there? would He really help me chase this? my finite mind can't put together a God who would create such a passion in me for music, for only music, and never see it fulfilled.

so why am i still so afraid that i'm wrong? i feel a bit like i'm walking down the yellow brick road with dorothy and the tin man, on the journey toward something huge, Someone who could help with my biggest desire. and not sure that He'll help me. dorothy was lucky. she had those ruby slippers that granted her wish. guess i'll have to wait and see if i've got a pair.