The Difference

It's taken me a few days to process things before I could actually write this. On the one hand, the events of this past Friday were so personal, so intimate between myself and this God that I serve, that I love. But at the same time, what He's done is so amazing that I want to shout and tell the whole world that, at least for now, I'm confident that He loves me. Me! It's still so astonishing to me that He would set my dreams into motion like this.

I better back up a bit.

Friday was the first time that I've played anything I've written for a live audience. I expected to be super nervous, like I always do. I'll let you in on a secret: despite how much I love the stage, I get terrible stage fright every time I sing on my own. At least, I had gotten it every time. Until this time. I still can't really believe it myself. I wasn't really nervous at all. I should have been! I ended up not even doing my third song because the keyboard was tiny and it threw me off to be playing in a different octave than I had practiced. But it didn't make a difference. And I probably could chalk it up to the relaxed atmosphere, there was really no pressure. Except that my parents and a bunch of friends were there to watch, which is usually more stressful on me than playing for strangers. But it just didn't happen. In addition to it being my first appearance of my original songs, it's the first time I've sung on my own since really committing this music thing to God, since I really started to follow Him in that direction. And I definitely believe that it was His hand that kept my anxiety at bay. That part of me that knows now that I was born for this is apparently stronger than I realized. I sing because God wants me to. And now, in return, He's given me the calmness and the strength and the talent that I need to do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm still all about practicing as much as I can, doing my part to do my best. But I sang on Friday like I've never sung before. It didn't matter who was watching. God just touched me and gave me what I needed to follow Him. He helped me cast my inhibitions aside and just be who I'm supposed to be. It was the most amazing feeling. I can't wait to see what's next.